I, the plaintiff, do hereby plead 'guilty' to the offence of 'not running'. In my defence I would like to submit the following as mitigating circumstances:
- On Saturday, January 7th, I did wilfully, and with malice aforethought, mountain bike 38km around the 'Beast' trail at Coed-y-Brenin forest. While for this I have numerous witness, they are also complicit in the same deed and therefore may not necessarily be deemed by the court to be competent / of sound mind.
- On Sunday, January 8th, I did once again wilfully and with malice aforethought attend Coed-y-Brenin forest, and this time made a mischief of myself in the company of others around 20km of the 'Tarw' trail.